Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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