His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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