he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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