You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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