I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
