I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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