Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
