Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
