But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
