How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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