Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
