how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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