yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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