Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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