Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize