The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
