Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
