I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
