Michael Bay diarrhea
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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