Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
