Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
