Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I love having hate sex.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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