I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Someone shattered a urinal.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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