Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
