That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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