you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
