stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
