She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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