I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
