pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize