If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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