well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
