she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
