Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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