I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
