Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
