it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
