After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
