Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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