omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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