is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
