and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
