if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
