i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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