dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
