your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
