someone get that fucking seahorse.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
