If i come over, it means nothing
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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