it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
