conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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