The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
