He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Mom said you looked used
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
