He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
