i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
