it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
