If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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