I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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