Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
