Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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