On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
