Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize