And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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