I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
