just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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