could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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