a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
