Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
