can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
