Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
