porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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