At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
