I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
