Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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