u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
